Days 7 and 8

Pardon once again the double up of entries. Blogging is a little harder than just dashing off a quick sentence or two and posting on Facebook (perhaps that’s what I should have done).

This week, I’m very glad for the democratic process. Aside from party lines and partisan issues (face it, we’re all tired of those), I just feel very blessed to be able to vote. It’s easy to forget that 100 years ago, women weren’t able to vote. Women’s Suffrage was 150 years in the making and man did we have to work at it. I’m thankful every day that I’m allowed to have some part in the legislative process, even a small one. I vowed early on that I’d never let that go to waste.

Going with the woman-hear-me-roar theme, I’m also thankful to be surrounded by strong, powerful, inspiring women. I work in an office that is comprised of 75-80% women. The roles of leadership are held by mostly women. Glass ceiling be damned! Even in the University, I don’t have to look very far to see powerful women. Now, I just have to choose to be inspired and not feel like I’ve been left behind in the academic/career world.

Today’s Thanksvember entry is sponsored by antidepressants!

I have generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), which means that I have uncontrollable and sometimes irrational anxiety about things (ranging from individual issues to a big-picture type of anxiety that I can’t pinpoint). It's also usually long-term. I have probably had this for a good portion of my life, and most likely will be medicated for the rest of my life for it. In my case, I tend to obsess over minute details. For instance, I may say something to a co-worker while joking around. The other person may forget that we have even done this and just writes it off as part of their day, but I will obsess over this instance - maybe something particular that I said – replaying it for weeks in my mind. I’ll think of every way that my comment may have been interpreted, which would then lead me to worry over hurting someone’s feelings or offending them. I’ll think of every possible way that the situation could have or should have gone and then every reaction to every scenario in each instance. It’s dizzying, isn’t it?

This anxiety also tends to disrupt daily life. A lot of people know that I didn’t start driving until well into my 20s (actually nearing my 30s). What most people don’t know is that crippling anxiety prevented me from ever getting my license. I could never even figure out what it was that I was nervous about, but I was terrified to take the test, buy a car and to drive every day. Even today, I don’t love to drive.

Once I decided to get help (I don’t even really know what prompted me to do so), I felt the difference very quickly. While I still occasionally have generalized anxiety and anxiety attacks, they happen at a very low frequency and aren’t as devastating.

I’ve been off of Lexapro for about two weeks, inadvertently, while my mail-order medication place coordinates with my doctor’s office. Man can I tell the difference. I’m irritable, weepy, unhappy, anxious and restless. I formally apologize to my family, friends and co-workers for my weakened emotional state! ;)

I’m not embarrassed that I have to take anti-anxiety medication. I’m thankful every day for this wonderful medicine that lets me navigate my life without feeling on edge.

Thanksvember Days 4 and 5

I'm sorry to say that you might see more of these smushed together posts, since I'm not great at carving out time to write at home. Maybe it's a blessing, since I'm guessing most of you don't want to see a blog post EVERY SINGLE DAY from me!

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Scarlett is involved in Girl Scouts, twirling, ballet and tap dance, soccer and sometimes swimming lessons. At this point, she is equally interested in and good at all of these activities. I know that the day will come that she'll have to choose between some of these activities, although I'm guessing that we will have to choose for her.

Now, such a large amount of activities takes very careful and specific planning. As you can imagine, it sometimes gets away from us. I think it would be very easy for me to take it to the next level... stage parenting. I really think those parents start off with good intentions. Everyone wants the best for their children and for their children to try their very best at everything they do. It's just so easy to lose sight of the important things or for priorities to shift. My priority? Scarlett needs to have fun. The second that things get too heavy and she stops having fun, we're done.

At a twirling competition we attended on Saturday, we were surrounded by stage parents. As Scarlett's group performed their dance to the Mario theme song, I could hear some of the parents behind me start to pick apart their dance. I don't think I heard one positive thing come from their mouths. And these were their children out there! Granted, their dance was a little rough. However, it was clear that the children were having a blast and that the crowd was thrilled to be whisked back in time with Mario and Luigi! How could you focus on the negatives of that?! A stage mom I am not. I'm thankful for that.

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Yesterday we spent the afternoon at a Girl Scouts event. The girls and their families got to go on a hayrack ride around Pioneers Park. We then convened around a campfire making smores and drinking cocoa. It hit me then how lucky I have become, through my children. Not only have doors been opened to countless opportunities and events through all of the different activities that Scarlett has been involved in, but I've also made some great mom friends and acquaintances through her friends. I hope the same happens with Sullivan.

Thanksvember Day 3

I could fill an entire post, every single day with stories of wonderful sisterdom. Today I'm extra thankful for my beautiful Scarlett. We put an overtired Sully to bed and as soon as he realized that we weren't coming back, he started to wail. Ben and I went about our business, intending to give a few minutes before we tried to put him to sleep again. Pretty soon I hear this tiny voice over the monitor. Scarlett was telling Sully that it was time for bed and if he would only lie down, he'd fall right asleep. Since he didn't stop crying (which is pretty unusual for his reactions to her), she ran downstairs to get us. When we explained again that sometimes babies have to learn to put themselves to sleep, she started to cry.

The idea of Sully crying just bothered her much. Not only is she concerned for her brother, she's just a sensitive empathetic little girl.

30 Days of Thanks, Days 1 and 2

I've seen quite a few blogs and posts on Facebook about giving thanks. Of course, it's the month of Thanksgiving! I'm a little late, as always, to this party. However, better late than never!

It's been a crazy couple of months and I've been way too focused on the negative. I have a great life, but it's hard to remember that in the heat of the moment. So here goes my attempt at being thankful for things that I have.

Day One

First and foremost, I'm thankful for my family. I have the cutest kids and the greatest husband. Even more, my extended family are some of the most loving and supportive people I know. I'm thankful to be a Nutter and a Coleman! Sometimes I take that for granted, but I shouldn't. Neither should you.

Day Two

I'm thankful for the great new friends I've made. I had a bad falling out with some of my friends a few years back. I'm so thankful that I still have friends, for one, and those friends are incredibly supportive.

Sleep: The Follow-Up

The mournful pleas from a tired mommy weren’t really successful in their call for help. Although I did get a lot of camaraderie from other mothers who had been there and are still there, there were only two suggestions from the last blog: let Sully cry it out and try playing music. 

As for crying it out, I’m a little leery. I see that more as a “going to bed” solution, rather than a “wake up in the night” solution. I’m worried that an early morning wail session might lead not only to an exhausted mom and dad, but a tired and grumpy six year-old. While Scarlett does manage to sleep through most of Sully’s midnight feedings, I’m afraid that his prolonged crying would wake her right up. I also think it would make her feel bad for Sully. We tried this method a couple of times when he wouldn’t fall asleep in his crib. Even though we had prepared Scarlett for this method by explaining that Sully was okay and that we would check on him and soothe him along the way while he learned to fall asleep on his own, she looked at me with a pained expression as he wailed from his room and asked “Are you going to save Sully, Mommy?” That just about broke my heart. I haven’t had the desire to try that again in her presence. 

The other suggestion wasn’t quite as pervasive. Sound is a constant in Sully and Scarlett’s lives. I’m not proud of it, but we’re television people. We don’t necessarily use the TV to placate our children (although I think it has its place); we just function most days with background noise. Sometimes it’s music – more often than not it’s music from the music channels on television – other times we listen to sitcoms, the news or cartoons. We try our best to have moments when we don’t turn on the television, but most of the time we cave. Negative connotations aside, Sully is used to hearing some sort of sound throughout the day. So, having Sully fall asleep to music is a great idea, and one that we already utilize occasionally. 

What we ended up with was something very much out of our comfort zone. We got Sully some amber teething beads. I personally have a natural skepticism of homeopathic healing. I don’t think that it doesn’t work for some people; I just don’t really believe that it would work for me because I don’t believe in the general idea. However, we have several friends that use teething necklaces on their young’uns’ and they’ve all raved about them. So, I took myself down to the neighborhood natural parenting store and bought a set.

The idea behind amber being a soother for teething pain isn’t a new one. It’s been used in folk medicine as a healing agent/crystal. Apparently, the amber resin warms with the body’s temperature and releases oils, including succinic acid. This acid was historically used to treat aches and pains and is now used as a sweetener in food. 

In conclusion, Sully has slept through the night for almost a week now. Coincidence? Probably. Do I care what it was that finally worked? Nope!

The Business of Bedtime

Perhaps it’s because Sully’s getting older or maybe it’s because he’s teething, but going to bed isn’t the easy laid-back routine it used to be.

I used to be able to tuck his little arm under mine, turn him to the side, pat his bum and give him a pacifier. Two minutes and he would be out! I knew in time that I would have to redo our bedtime routine, but I really enjoyed our little quiet time with him staring into my eyes as they drifted closed. I love the idea of me being the very last thing he saw at night.

There was also a period of time, at about two months of age, where Sully was nearly sleeping through the night. I say nearly because he was waking at 5:00 or 5:30 a.m., but I really think that counts. A lot of people start their day that early, although I’m not one of them!

Starting about 2 months ago, things started to go downhill. Even though we started solid foods, which should be filling his little tummy, he started to wake up more and more. (He eats about six different solid food meals, including a snack right before bed with his milk.) And suddenly, he wasn’t content to fall asleep to mommy’s rhythmic patting or even while drinking milk. How dare! In fact, he’s been downright fussy up to an hour before bedtime.

For a while I blamed it on teething. I’m sure it was the cause of his distress for a while, since two little pearly points broke through. But how long can I blame this lack of a full night’s sleep on teething? I feel like I’m making excuses. I’m not sure why I’m embarrassed about him not sleeping, as a lot of my friends have babies that don’t sleep well or kids that never slept well when they were little. I think it may have something to do with Scarlett. She was nearly the perfect baby. I can remember exactly two times where she was fussing uncontrollably and she was sleeping well through the night since about three months old.

After dealing with that perfection, people warned us that the next one was going to be a hellion. Scarlett slept well, so the next one wouldn’t sleep at all. Scarlett is gentle and polite, so Sully would be rambunctious and tiresome. A lot of our friends and family have been good-naturedly waiting for this time. That’s probably why I don’t want to admit that we’re having trouble with bed.

Going to bed isn’t really what’s driving me crazy. It’s keeping Sully asleep. Right now he often wakes at midnight to eat and then again at 3:30-4 a.m. Sometimes he wakes up a few times between them and I’m able to pat him back to sleep. BUT MOMMY NEEDS SLEEP!! I cannot function this way for much longer – sleep deprivation is truly torturous! So that’s why I’m asking for help. I’m open to pretty much anything. Please don’t hesitate to make suggestions and I’ll do an update blog in a week or two letting everyone know the results.

Thanks Dave Vrbas for the ultra-cute naked Sully shot!