Monday, October 24, 2011

Shy and uncooperative

Friday was supposed to be the day that our family found out whether we were going to be adding another little girl to our mix or evening out our family with a boy. We were well aware that 18 weeks is still on the early side for this procedure (which includes the full anatomy scan), but we were so excited that we brought Scarlett for the special news. Disappointingly, it didn't happen.

The baby was plenty active and healthy, but when the doctor moved the ultrasound wand over the baby, he/she suddenly became very shy and curled up and/or turned away. :( I know this happens, but I was still very disappointed that the neither the sex was determined, nor the anatomy scan completed.

Unrelated to the baby at all, really, I was just disappointed in the appointment in all ways. It's partly my own fault for scheduling an appointment on a Friday afternoon, right? I certainly shouldn't expect a quality appointment to discuss the baby's health in an environment that seemed already closed for business, should I? My last appointment was also on a Friday afternoon, and although it also seemed rushed and uninformative, I thought it was a lone incident. Never again. The doctor's office was nearly empty, not just of patients, but also of staff. The staff at the front didn't ask for my insurance info, a co-pay nor did they offer to schedule a follow-up. The heartbeat was measured, a brief ultrasound conducted, with a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am attitude all the way around. When the doctor (not my regular, I should note) couldn't manipulate the baby into showing it's goods, she left to get an ultrasound tech, only to discover that they'd all left for the day. Why let someone schedule an important ultrasound appointment if you don't have the staff to cover it? Seriously!

"I'll tell the ladies up front to schedule you again in 3 weeks," was what the doctor said as she ducked into her office. Yet, when we arrived at the front desk, the lady knew nothing about another appointment and was hesitant to schedule anything, that not being her actual job. She sent me back to the actual ultrasound scheduler, who informed me that she was pretty much booked solid for the next 4 weeks. We finally squeezed me in and I left, dejected, disappointed and angry.

I probably won't do anything about this piece-of-shit of an appointment that I had, but it feels good to get it down on paper (or blog, as it may be!) and out of my head, where I was sure to fester over it for another month or so.

No more Friday appointments!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

16 weeks - Already uncomfy

Well, we've hit another bench mark. 16 weeks - Woohoo! As I mentioned in the last post, the appetite is starting to re-emerge, albeit slowly. I only lost two pounds between the first appointment at 8 weeks and our most recent at 14 weeks. Of course it's not healthy to lose weight at all during pregnancy; a two pound loss is pretty small compared to the amount I lost the first time around.

Body-wise, I'm pretty uncomfortable already. Feeling the pushing and pulling of my lower abdomen as it readies itself for baby growth, is a strange feeling. I get a lot of twinges/cramps as my skin stretches and as my uterus expands. I've also intermittently had leg cramps, itchy feet and tingling arms and hands - all normal happenings.

Alongside all of the changes, I've been doing a lot of reflecting. I've been really emotional (also normal) about everything, but especially about Scarlett. It seems that everything she does that makes her seem grown-up has been making me teary-eyed. I almost lost it at parent-teacher conferences because the teacher said that she was sensitive, I cried a lot yesterday when she was sick with a fever and watching her suddenly learn to blow bubbles made my heart hurt! She's going to be a fabulous big sister and we're extremely lucky to have her.

I've also been thinking about some family members that lost their little baby a few months ago. The sadness that I feel for them is overwhelming, although I'm incredibly happy that they had a chance to meet their precious little boy. The strength that they have shown in dealing with such an unfortunate situation has been inspiring. I think about them often.

Lastly, I've been thinking a lot about friendships. It occurred to me that I have an entirely different set of friends during this pregnancy than I did during Scarlett's. The reasons are many and too complicated to delve into, but I really do miss some of my older friends. I don't think I've entirely healed from the heartache of losing a couple of very closer friends due to circumstances that I don't feel are my fault. But, just like Scarlett, I'm super sensitive (and even more so now), so I may be making a mountain out of a mole-hill. I'm extremely lucky to have very supportive friends, some that I've just made in the last few years, that I have reciprocal relationships with. I realize that I have everything I need to make me happy - a loving, supportive husband, a beautiful daughter, supportive friends and family and Lexapro! (Just kidding on the last one - I haven't taken that since learning of my pregnancy!)

As I approach a weekend full of friends and family activities, I'll be thinking of all that I'm thankful for, including this little peanut growing inside of me.