Days 7 and 8

Pardon once again the double up of entries. Blogging is a little harder than just dashing off a quick sentence or two and posting on Facebook (perhaps that’s what I should have done).

This week, I’m very glad for the democratic process. Aside from party lines and partisan issues (face it, we’re all tired of those), I just feel very blessed to be able to vote. It’s easy to forget that 100 years ago, women weren’t able to vote. Women’s Suffrage was 150 years in the making and man did we have to work at it. I’m thankful every day that I’m allowed to have some part in the legislative process, even a small one. I vowed early on that I’d never let that go to waste.

Going with the woman-hear-me-roar theme, I’m also thankful to be surrounded by strong, powerful, inspiring women. I work in an office that is comprised of 75-80% women. The roles of leadership are held by mostly women. Glass ceiling be damned! Even in the University, I don’t have to look very far to see powerful women. Now, I just have to choose to be inspired and not feel like I’ve been left behind in the academic/career world.

Today’s Thanksvember entry is sponsored by antidepressants!

I have generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), which means that I have uncontrollable and sometimes irrational anxiety about things (ranging from individual issues to a big-picture type of anxiety that I can’t pinpoint). It's also usually long-term. I have probably had this for a good portion of my life, and most likely will be medicated for the rest of my life for it. In my case, I tend to obsess over minute details. For instance, I may say something to a co-worker while joking around. The other person may forget that we have even done this and just writes it off as part of their day, but I will obsess over this instance - maybe something particular that I said – replaying it for weeks in my mind. I’ll think of every way that my comment may have been interpreted, which would then lead me to worry over hurting someone’s feelings or offending them. I’ll think of every possible way that the situation could have or should have gone and then every reaction to every scenario in each instance. It’s dizzying, isn’t it?

This anxiety also tends to disrupt daily life. A lot of people know that I didn’t start driving until well into my 20s (actually nearing my 30s). What most people don’t know is that crippling anxiety prevented me from ever getting my license. I could never even figure out what it was that I was nervous about, but I was terrified to take the test, buy a car and to drive every day. Even today, I don’t love to drive.

Once I decided to get help (I don’t even really know what prompted me to do so), I felt the difference very quickly. While I still occasionally have generalized anxiety and anxiety attacks, they happen at a very low frequency and aren’t as devastating.

I’ve been off of Lexapro for about two weeks, inadvertently, while my mail-order medication place coordinates with my doctor’s office. Man can I tell the difference. I’m irritable, weepy, unhappy, anxious and restless. I formally apologize to my family, friends and co-workers for my weakened emotional state! ;)

I’m not embarrassed that I have to take anti-anxiety medication. I’m thankful every day for this wonderful medicine that lets me navigate my life without feeling on edge.

Thanksvember Days 4 and 5

I'm sorry to say that you might see more of these smushed together posts, since I'm not great at carving out time to write at home. Maybe it's a blessing, since I'm guessing most of you don't want to see a blog post EVERY SINGLE DAY from me!

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Scarlett is involved in Girl Scouts, twirling, ballet and tap dance, soccer and sometimes swimming lessons. At this point, she is equally interested in and good at all of these activities. I know that the day will come that she'll have to choose between some of these activities, although I'm guessing that we will have to choose for her.

Now, such a large amount of activities takes very careful and specific planning. As you can imagine, it sometimes gets away from us. I think it would be very easy for me to take it to the next level... stage parenting. I really think those parents start off with good intentions. Everyone wants the best for their children and for their children to try their very best at everything they do. It's just so easy to lose sight of the important things or for priorities to shift. My priority? Scarlett needs to have fun. The second that things get too heavy and she stops having fun, we're done.

At a twirling competition we attended on Saturday, we were surrounded by stage parents. As Scarlett's group performed their dance to the Mario theme song, I could hear some of the parents behind me start to pick apart their dance. I don't think I heard one positive thing come from their mouths. And these were their children out there! Granted, their dance was a little rough. However, it was clear that the children were having a blast and that the crowd was thrilled to be whisked back in time with Mario and Luigi! How could you focus on the negatives of that?! A stage mom I am not. I'm thankful for that.

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Yesterday we spent the afternoon at a Girl Scouts event. The girls and their families got to go on a hayrack ride around Pioneers Park. We then convened around a campfire making smores and drinking cocoa. It hit me then how lucky I have become, through my children. Not only have doors been opened to countless opportunities and events through all of the different activities that Scarlett has been involved in, but I've also made some great mom friends and acquaintances through her friends. I hope the same happens with Sullivan.

Thanksvember Day 3

I could fill an entire post, every single day with stories of wonderful sisterdom. Today I'm extra thankful for my beautiful Scarlett. We put an overtired Sully to bed and as soon as he realized that we weren't coming back, he started to wail. Ben and I went about our business, intending to give a few minutes before we tried to put him to sleep again. Pretty soon I hear this tiny voice over the monitor. Scarlett was telling Sully that it was time for bed and if he would only lie down, he'd fall right asleep. Since he didn't stop crying (which is pretty unusual for his reactions to her), she ran downstairs to get us. When we explained again that sometimes babies have to learn to put themselves to sleep, she started to cry.

The idea of Sully crying just bothered her much. Not only is she concerned for her brother, she's just a sensitive empathetic little girl.

30 Days of Thanks, Days 1 and 2

I've seen quite a few blogs and posts on Facebook about giving thanks. Of course, it's the month of Thanksgiving! I'm a little late, as always, to this party. However, better late than never!

It's been a crazy couple of months and I've been way too focused on the negative. I have a great life, but it's hard to remember that in the heat of the moment. So here goes my attempt at being thankful for things that I have.

Day One

First and foremost, I'm thankful for my family. I have the cutest kids and the greatest husband. Even more, my extended family are some of the most loving and supportive people I know. I'm thankful to be a Nutter and a Coleman! Sometimes I take that for granted, but I shouldn't. Neither should you.

Day Two

I'm thankful for the great new friends I've made. I had a bad falling out with some of my friends a few years back. I'm so thankful that I still have friends, for one, and those friends are incredibly supportive.