Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Missing my meds

Within the last week or so I've been experiencing some anxiety. I'm not talking just nervousness; I'm talking the keeping-you-up-at-night type of anxiety that caused me to start taking anti-anxiety medicine about 3 years ago.

When I found out I was pregnant, I tapered off my current medication. I know that there's not a lot of research concerning the effects of Lexapro on babies. While my doctor assured me that if I really needed to be on it (if it were crippling enough without it), things would be just fine; it was enough of an unknown that I passed. As most pregnant women would testify to, it's just better not to take anything that you really don't need. Up until last week, I didn't really feel any anxiety that wasn't considered normal pregnancy nervousness.

I'm really trying to decide now whether I can still get by not having it. I think that I would feel guilty if I started taking it now. I got by for so long without it. On the other hand, I can't handle more sleepless nights of unreasonable worrying. Worrying about things like getting Scarlett's cookie order in on time, whether I'll have time to pack my overnight bag, whether I'll remember to put out fresh sheets for our houseguests during my hospital stay and other silly things. Things that should not keep me up at night, but still did.

On a side note, while I don't have any reason to think that I won't make it to 39 weeks, I'm starting to get nervous about going early. I've realized how little we actually have done in preparation for the baby and how much I've stupidly planned around this date. Here's hoping I make it to the final stretch!

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